Everyone has their own battles to fight on a daily basis. Having gone through an ordeal myself, I have learnt to let go of the not so important things in life. I just take each day as it comes and just go about doing my daily routines. Especially these past 2 weeks leading up to next week. Sometimes I blame myself but I know I shouldn’t. Next week will be their 1 year death anniversary and somehow it cuts deep within whenI recall back the events that leads up to the day I buried them.
Yesterday after a fun night out, having dinner with 2 close girlfriends, I walked back to the car and it just got to me. I went into the car, called mum up started talking about other things just to distract myself and I suddenly I found myself bawling my heart out to mum. Didn’t help that I could hear herself cry as well. I spoke with her throughout the drive home.
Part of me lost hope, really I do. You name it, I have done it but zilch! I know there are many others who have been TTC-ing like forever and alhamdulillah they have been successful along the way and some are still trying but also leaving it up to HIS timing. Well for me, I have slowed things down. Many have asked, be it close or new acquaintances, so what’s next, or when are you trying again? Each time, I can see in their eyes that they are hesitant to ask, in fear that I may be sensitive about the topic. Well, I have maxed out my embroys at KKH, all of which did not survive the blastocysts stage and the 2 that did, did not survive the 2-week wait. If all else fails naturally (which I know won’t happen coz of the damned blardy PCOS that I have), I’ll only start IVF again next year. For now, I’ll keep on keeping myself busy with whatever I can do just to block out this fateful month.
September please pass through fast!